I Am (Super)woman, Hear Me Sob

17883550_10107977372548398_8405348913868868110_nIt’s after midnight. I’m beat. But the baby’s asleep and now is my time to watch a show of MY choosing, drink a Pepsi without worrying about someone grabbing it or knocking it over, and log in to do some writing. Writing has become so therapeutic for me these past couple of weeks.

But let’s get real. Before I could do any of these things I had to: rock the baby to sleep, ninja my way out of her room silently, creep down the stairs, pick up every tiny little toy from the living room floor, run a broom over the hardwood floors, unload the dishwasher as quietly as possible, rinse off the disgusting pile of dishes in the sink, reload the dishwasher, switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer, start a new load, remind myself to stay awake until that new load is finished (or risk waking up to a washer full of stinky clothes), open the fridge, grab a treat, find the remote… and then, at about 10:35 PM, I got to finally kick back.

Note: My husband is totally an equal partner when it comes to these things, but happens to be away tonight at a paranormal investigation. I ain’t here to “man bash”, okay? He deserves time to devote to his hobbies, too. Essentially, some poor, terrified soul called the “ghost hotline” so the team went running to check it out.

Once all of this was done, I heard some gagging and noticed the cat throwing up so guess who got back up off of the couch to deal with that? Yep. This quirky mom.

I watched a show or two and then hopped on the computer to do two things: make us some money and write. In my life, these things are mutually exclusive at the moment. I never have to force myself to write. I love it. But the other part is tougher for me. Right now, I’m taking some time off from my full time job in order to get my anxiety and depression figured out and generally get my head on straight. So, although it’s great to have FMLA, I’m not necessarily getting paid for this time off. To supplement, I’ve taken up online transcription. It’s not a get rich quick thing, but it’s helping out my family and hopefully taking a little pressure off of my loving, supportive, full-time-working husband.

I find that, since becoming a mother, my sense of self value has changed vastly. Before I was a mom, even after getting married, I was important to myself and sure, my husband kind of needed me around, but he could survive and start over again if I was suddenly gone.

But now … now it’s different. I’m realizing what it feels like to be “the glue that holds it all together”. You know, the one who makes sure everybody has clean clothes to wear. The one who thinks ahead about what we’ll have for dinner for the next week. The one who makes sure to tidy up before bed because she worries about someone tripping on a toy in the middle of the night. The one who unpacks the diaper bag after a long day, then re-packs it for daycare the following day, remembering to include clean bottles and extra clothes and snacks and lunch. The one who checks the weather to see what the baby should wear the next day and tries to plan ahead. The one who feeds the kiddo dinner and then has to run upstairs to start a bath for her before running back down, stripping the food-covered kid down, and getting her bathed. The one who still has to clean up the mess from dinner once the bath is done.

And I have an awesome partner in life. While I’m doing this, my husband’s doing a million other things to keep things running smoothly around here. How do single moms do this? Some of them even have more than one child. What a freaking nightmare.

So hey you. The one with the cheerios in her hair who is trying to finish up that online course at 1:00 AM in order to earn that degree. The one who is, at this very moment, trying to simultaneously wipe the kid down and keep the dog from attacking the cat. The one who is at work crying in the bathroom because her baby is sick today and she can’t be with him. The one crying in the laundry room at home because she just can’t stand the thought of watching Moana one more damn time today. The one who’s so depressed and worried all the time that she wonders if her family would be better off without her there to complicate everything and spread negativity. The one who’s just trying to do it all for everybody…

You. Are. Badass.

Your. Family. Needs. You.

Call. Someone. For. Help.

Hang in there, Superwoman. We’re all in this together.

 

 

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