As a kid, I always tried to be the rational thinker of the bunch. I was elected to student council. I avoided drama like the plague. I managed to make it all the way to college with a lot of good friends, but no best friend. Being level headed and rational gave way to playing it super safe. I sort of fit in everywhere and nowhere at the same time. No matter what, I was almost always playing the part of peace keeper in confrontational or stressful situations. Maybe this stems from my parents’ divorce. More than likely though, it’s just part of what makes me, me. I grew to be a huge people pleaser. In other words, taking risks wasn’t my thing.
Time and maturity sure can change a person. A couple of weeks ago, I walked away from a full time, paying job in order to keep a bit of my sanity. I wanted to focus on my family and myself. It wasn’t a decision that came lightly, but my mental health was on the line, so my husband agreed to let me get in touch with my free spirit side and try something new. It was thrilling and scary. I took a job with a reputable company doing online transcription work from home. With this job, I can work as much or as little as I want to supplement my husband’s paycheck.
I set a goal for myself. I wanted to earn a certain amount per month. So, I gave myself an amount to hit each week. It hasn’t been easy. The first week I missed the mark by about $60. Last week, I made my goal plus an extra $10. But guys, it’s tough. Maybe I could do it more easily if I didn’t have a 13 month old to chase around all day, also. But I do. And I’m glad I do, but damn. I thought this whole WAHM (work at home mom if you arent “in the know”) thing would be a cinch.
See, there’s the usual dishes and laundry and cleaning. Then there’s cooking and feeding and bathing. Then there is budgeting and grocery runs. And pushing play on “Trolls” and “Let it Go” (Frozen, if you live outside of my home) for the 80th time. On top of this I need to raise and interact with our daughter and devote four hours or so a day solely to this job. It sounded so simple! It isn’t.
I haven’t made much so far this week, but the baby’s been teething badly and is super clingy and it’s only Wednesday night. That Saturday night deadline will get here fast, and I will be out of commission all day Thursday for the Thanksgiving holiday. I still have faith in myself. Damn it, I can (and will) do it all and have it all.
I’m still so proud and happy to have taken this leap. I learned from my mom that no one can make you happy except YOU. If something isn’t working for you, and you’ve exhausted all options, change it. Don’t settle.
I never want my little girl to settle on safe. I hope she makes good, responsible choices, but takes a few crazy leaps now and then. For herself. Playing it safe means never getting hurt, it’s true. But sometimes, the risk is worth taking.